So the story is I want to focus on my mind and keeping thinking something, but I can't.
I found that I can't daydream like in school before. No spark, no imagination, no voice of myself.
Every time I try to do something maybe positive for my life, it will turn into youtube and AV in the end.
This situation has happened to me for years, thus I waste many chances.
Things may get worse, because job is still meaningless to me and I feel bored. Every time I quit, I do nothing then back to work.
Fortunately, I start writing some shits and it works surprisingly. Writing makes me calm down a bit.